


It wasn't your fault

by Kieranscrumptiousback



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Argument in the beginning, F/M, Forehead Kisses, Forgiveness, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Kieran blames himself, Miscarriage, Regret, Someone give Lauki a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27278848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kieranscrumptiousback/pseuds/Kieranscrumptiousback
Summary: “It wasn’t your fault.” Lauren placed a hand on his cheek, softly facing him towards her. “We didn’t know.” His eyes met hers. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He tried. He tried so incredibly hard to keep it in. He never allowed himself to show an ounce of vulnerability in front of Lauren. After years of complete solitude, he was used to hiding his emotions. He was used to the numbness.But on that night, outside of the nursery in the hallway of the dimly lit hospital,“It’s okay, Kieran.”He finally let it out.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	It wasn't your fault

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The person who wrote this fic is not very knowledgeable/experienced when it comes to the topic of miscarriages. Read at your own risk.

They had been fighting for hours. Neither Lauren or Kieran had given in, and both were growing angrier. Kieran panted after a particularly loud outburst, the anger in his eyes fading as studied Lauren’s face realizing something was wrong. Her face grew pale. 

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She winced, and blood began to run down her leg. “I’m...” she breathed. “I’m bleeding.” She said, her eyes widening. Kieran’s heart stopped, he was overcome with immediate regret. _“Lauren-“_ His body reacted faster than his mind, his arms catching her as she staggered, steadying her. She doubled over in pain, her hand gripping his shoulder. “It’s-“ he held her, concern tracing his features, “-it’s going to be okay.” He quickly picked her up, rushing her to the car. He drove them quickly to the hospital holding Lauren’s hand the whole way. 

“Just- just breathe.” He said uneasily.

She let out a choked whimper. Kieran’s hand gripped hers tighter. 

“We’re almost there.”

When they arrived at the hospital, the nurses rushed Lauren into a room where they could stop the bleeding and run some tests. Kieran was asked to wait outside.He sat in the waiting room queasily, his head in his hands. His mind raced a mile a minute, filled with so many haunting things. Fear. Worry. Anguish. Distress. Most of all, regret. He regretted ever making the deal with her. Ever speaking to her. Ever marrying her. Ever _touching_ her. He regretted being in her life. She didn’t deserve to go through this. He was so disgusted by himself. He had hurt her. _Again._ He looked down at his hands, lost in reminiscence. _That’s what monsters like me do._ His head raised, his eyes focused on the emergency room door. 

_Lauren._

His heart physically ached for her. He was so- _so senseless._ He ran his fingers restlessly through his hair, a mess of locks falling over his remorseful blue eyes. His thoughts were brought to a halt as the hospital room door opened. A nurse stepped out, beckoning him inside. He stood up, walking into the room. Each step he took, his heart grew heavier. His breath grew thinner. He rushed to her side, sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed. Regretful blue eyes met her pained golden ones. There was a moment of unspoken apology. Lauren reached a hand out, his taking hers shakily. 

A woman walked in with a solemn expression. She stood before the bed, clipboard in hand. 

“...I’m sorry to inform you that you have had a miscarriage." 

The room was silent. Lauren froze. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. _Pregnant?_ She hadn’t known. If she had known- if _only_ she had known... 

She looked at Kieran. 

His gaze was fixed straight ahead in total disbelief as he registered what he had just heard. The nurse began listing things to do in order to recover healthily, but her voice drowned into white noise as Lauren and Kieran processed the life they had just lost. Once the nurse had finished talking, she gave a sympathetic look, noting their pained expressions. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” Then she leaves the room. 

There was a deafening silence. 

Lauren was distraught. She let the words sink in, a horrible ache in her heart. She was hurting, but _Kieran..._ she looked at him. 

She had seen him at his worst points in life. But _this..._ She had never seen this look in his eyes. He stared into the distance, his eyes lost. Hopeless. Lauren had always counted on Kieran for a smile, or a playful remark, but this version of him was so vastly different... he was broken beyond words. So incredibly shaken. 

He didn’t know what to think. What to do. He had lost all function at those few words. _This can’t be happening... there’s no way she could have been-_ he didn’t know how he would carry on after this. If he would ever be able to look in the mirror again. Immediately, a wave of thoughts crashed through his mind. It was his fault. He did this to her. He was the reason this happened. Kieran began to get lightheaded. He should have known. _How foolish of me to think I deserved someone like her... all I do is bring her pain._ His breathing was growing shallow. _No matter what I do, or how hard I try... everything I touch dies in the end._

...

He decided to try and be strong for her, comforting her through the night. After a painful while, Lauren ended up falling asleep, Kieran still holding her hand. He couldn’t sleep. He didn’t know how long it would be until he finally would. After he was sure she was asleep, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before quietly exiting the room.

Lauren hadn’t been asleep for long when her eyes fluttered open. She slowly sat up, still in slight pain. Her eyes scanned the dark hospital room for anyone, but Kieran was nowhere to be seen. She needed to talk to him. Lauren slowly stood in her hospital gown, grabbing the bed to support her balance. She made her way to the door, opening it to the dimly lit hospital hallway. 

_Where did he go?_ She walked down the empty hallway, the building quiet as the patients slept. It was peaceful, in a way. She searched for any sight of him, being careful not to make much noise. She was about to give up when she finally saw a figure silently standing, looking through a glass window. It was Kieran. She quietly stepped closer, her heart sinking in her chest when she realized where they were. 

This was the nursery.

Wordlessly, she walked up next to him, stopping beside him. He turned to her, taken aback. “Lauren- what are you doing awake?” he rasped, his voice dry. She looked at him, studying his features. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose was slightly red. She noticed faint tear stains on his cheeks. She felt her heart throb. He had been crying. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” She assured Kieran. 

He looked away, as if to shield his face. “You really should go back and rest.” He said. 

“Kieran.” 

He remained quiet, the soft lullaby softening the silence between the two.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Lauren placed a hand on his cheek, softly facing him towards her. “We didn’t know.” His eyes met hers. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He tried. He tried so incredibly hard to keep it in. He never allowed himself to show an ounce of vulnerability in front of Lauren. After years of complete solitude, he was used to hiding his emotions. He was used to the numbness. 

But on that night, outside of the nursery in the hallway of the dimly lit hospital,

“It’s okay, Kieran.” 

He finally let it out.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not crying my eyes are just sweaty :,))
> 
> also i did not write this a good friend of mine did so and she rather stay anonymous so please give credit to her


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